She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
