this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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