He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
