Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
