Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize