Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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