The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
