Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
