Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
