just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
