Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
