I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
