My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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