After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
