She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
