Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
