You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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