My room smells like vodka and shame
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
