There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
