dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
