Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
