There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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