so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
