broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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