i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
