also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
