I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i drank out of a bidet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
