Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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