If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
