So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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