Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
