Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
