Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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