Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
