TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
