covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
