hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
