Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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