Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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