Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
