The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
