what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
