you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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