A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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