Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
