Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Buhtt sex?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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