I want to stick my p in your. b.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
