please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
