But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
