So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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