are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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