no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
