i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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