the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
