Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
