She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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