Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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