I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
