I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
