I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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