He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
