my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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