I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
