Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
