So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
