i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
