I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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