he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
