Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
