doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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