There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
