im drinking this country out of the recession.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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